I am sure most of you have had to think about this at some point in the past. Chris, my partner, is nearly one year post transplant and has made the decision to thank the donor family. He has a draft letter but he is worried that it just does not convey what their kindness and life saving decision has made to his life. Have any of you written letters or corresponded in any other way and have you any tips on what might be appropriate,
thanks
emma x
ps hope you are all well
Thanking the donor family
Moderator: administrator
Emma - I have never had the opportunity, but before my (failed) transplant from my brother I did write him a letter expressing how I felt, and how grateful I was - we are not always good at sharing feelings in my family! So from that I would say that there is no 'right' answer but it sounds as if he speaks from the heart, about how much it has meant to him and changed his life that will be the right thing.
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amanda in CA
- Posts: 1806
- Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 5:14 pm
- Location: Georgia, USA
thanking donor family
Hi, writing a letter to thank the donor family was very important to me and I wrote it soon after my transplant. My approach was to tell them what having the transplant meant to me and how it gave me the opportunity to do things that I wouldn't have been able to do without it, and how well I felt. I obviously acknowledged how difficult it must before them too. I wanted to start a family, so I told them how I hoped that this would help me realise this wish.
A while later, I had a reply back from them and treasure that letter. Getting the letter from me had obviously meant a lot to them, so I urge anyone who has a transplant to write that letter, no matter how hard it is to put pen to paper.
Several years later when I had my son, I wrote again and this time enclosed my address on the accompanying letter to the transplant co-ordinator stating that I was happy to have my address released to the donor family should they wish to keep in touch. A month or two later I received a long letter from my donor family, and this started an ongoing exchange of letters. They subsequently sent me photos of their daughter (my donor) after asking me first if I wanted to receive them.
When I visited the UK several years ago, we met up. They are wonderful people who have had a lot of adversity in their life but seem to bear no resentment to what life has dumped on them. Sadly my transplant failed in 2003 but I still continue to keep in touch with them.
A while later, I had a reply back from them and treasure that letter. Getting the letter from me had obviously meant a lot to them, so I urge anyone who has a transplant to write that letter, no matter how hard it is to put pen to paper.
Several years later when I had my son, I wrote again and this time enclosed my address on the accompanying letter to the transplant co-ordinator stating that I was happy to have my address released to the donor family should they wish to keep in touch. A month or two later I received a long letter from my donor family, and this started an ongoing exchange of letters. They subsequently sent me photos of their daughter (my donor) after asking me first if I wanted to receive them.
When I visited the UK several years ago, we met up. They are wonderful people who have had a lot of adversity in their life but seem to bear no resentment to what life has dumped on them. Sadly my transplant failed in 2003 but I still continue to keep in touch with them.
Hi Emma,
I too wrote to my donor family shortly after my transplant 15 months ago.
I was very keen to write and thank them as we had a friend whose close relative had died from a brain haemorrhage about 2 weeks before my transplant and his wife had given consent for his organs to be used. It brought home to me what a huge gesture this is for the donor family - to be able to think of anyone else at such a devastating time is, in my opinion, incredible.
I knew nothing about the family that I was writing to but I was given a pamphlet by the transplant Nurses outlining the do's and don'ts in the letter (this was mainly around keeping your own details confidential - things like surname, where you had the transplant, where you are treated for your renal problem - all things that may lead someone to identify you - if they were that way inclined).
I just wanted the family to know that I appreciated the gift, I had benefitted from it and that it was working and making me feel well (it wouldn't bring their loved one back but I felt it may help them to gain some comfort from the sad situation they were in).
About a month after I'd written, I received a card from my donor's wife. She was thrilled to get the letter and she filled me in with some details about my donor. As Amanda says, that correspondence is treasured by me and I still can't read it without shedding a tear for that woman's selflessness in the face of such awful tragedy for her.
I've not long since passed the 12 months stage of my transplant so I sent her a card - just to say I was thinking of her and hoping that life was being kind to her.
I would urge your husband to write.
As has been said, there are no right or wrong things to say - it is an incredibly hard letter to write as a simple thank you just doesn't seem enough - but at least it sends the message that the gift was truly appreciated. I also believe that your husband's working transplant is the silver lining in the cloud.
I too wrote to my donor family shortly after my transplant 15 months ago.
I was very keen to write and thank them as we had a friend whose close relative had died from a brain haemorrhage about 2 weeks before my transplant and his wife had given consent for his organs to be used. It brought home to me what a huge gesture this is for the donor family - to be able to think of anyone else at such a devastating time is, in my opinion, incredible.
I knew nothing about the family that I was writing to but I was given a pamphlet by the transplant Nurses outlining the do's and don'ts in the letter (this was mainly around keeping your own details confidential - things like surname, where you had the transplant, where you are treated for your renal problem - all things that may lead someone to identify you - if they were that way inclined).
I just wanted the family to know that I appreciated the gift, I had benefitted from it and that it was working and making me feel well (it wouldn't bring their loved one back but I felt it may help them to gain some comfort from the sad situation they were in).
About a month after I'd written, I received a card from my donor's wife. She was thrilled to get the letter and she filled me in with some details about my donor. As Amanda says, that correspondence is treasured by me and I still can't read it without shedding a tear for that woman's selflessness in the face of such awful tragedy for her.
I've not long since passed the 12 months stage of my transplant so I sent her a card - just to say I was thinking of her and hoping that life was being kind to her.
I would urge your husband to write.
As has been said, there are no right or wrong things to say - it is an incredibly hard letter to write as a simple thank you just doesn't seem enough - but at least it sends the message that the gift was truly appreciated. I also believe that your husband's working transplant is the silver lining in the cloud.