How do you cope?

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JMan
Posts: 3473
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 10:21 am
Location: Lives in a slightly weird bit of Shropshire called Telford!

How do you cope?

Post by JMan »

How do you cope, when you lose a close friend, & someone you've worked with to kidney failure?
I've had counselling, hell I've even grabbed the Bible, & I'm not religious.
I still feel a cold guilt, that I could have helped her more, if I'd done a little more then she might still be with us.

You will probably tell me this is normal, to let it go, & I guess I will, when it comes to the right time.

:(
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rosa t
Posts: 365
Joined: Sat May 29, 2004 10:50 am

Post by rosa t »

Hi Jim

I haven't any words of wisdom i'm afraid. I'm sorry for your loss as it's always hard to loose friends.

There's nothing to feel guilty about but we still do. It's our way and how we deal with things that happen in our lives.

We're all on a journey whether we're ill or healthy and sometimes it ends prematurely.

Be comforted that you were a friend when it really counted. We need our friends when the going gets tough.

It will improve but it takes time. We don't always appreicate what happens in others lives but we can always hope we are there for them.

love
rosa
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, today is a gift, that's why they call it present
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nycpetit
Posts: 262
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 11:00 pm
Location: Miami Beach

Loss

Post by nycpetit »

I don't think there is any specific way to get over loss. Like with anything that requires coping, it takes that magic word, "time." Remember how hard it was to deal with illness, realizing we'd never be "okay" and facing things most people (well, who is to say most, but you know what I mean) don't have to until they are much older?

Well, it took time. It took some reading, knowledge, asking questions, interaction with others who can relate.

there is a book by Kubler-Ross called Death and Dying. It is an excellent read for overcoming, and most of all understanding how we go through the process of loss. It is actually a book that deals with grief, frustration and anger that comes with anything that is difficult for human nature to accept. I highly recommend it. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/068483 ... e&n=283155

It is good for not only death, coping with loss, but grief, depression, terminal illness, chronic illness. And after reading, if you look back you'll see her five stages of coping can be related to so many life situations. We really go through those phases.

Give it time, and I really recommend the book. It's good to be able to read something that so clearly targets what you are feeling.
When we offer a hand, others are lifted.
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JMan
Posts: 3473
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 10:21 am
Location: Lives in a slightly weird bit of Shropshire called Telford!

Thanks

Post by JMan »

Thanks for the replies, I'll look into nagging the library to get it, if I can't find it online. Given up on Amazon, although the last order I made with them they refunded me after I'd received the books I was waiting for!!:)
I guess less than 2 years is not a long time.
Thanks anyway. The topic IS one of the hardest to openly discuss, but IS something that happens.
J
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Rachel in NY
Posts: 650
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 1:11 pm
Location: NY, USA,

Post by Rachel in NY »

It takes time... and acceptance. All the time in the world won't help if you feel guilty. You mentioned a strong guilt that you feel that you could have done more, etc. You have to adress that guilt, and then you will grieve a bit, and eventually come to acceptance and peace.

Is there really anything you could have done? no. You were her friend, you were there for her. Alot. Could youy have been there more? could you have really done anything to make her well? no. YOu were everything she needed... when she needed you. You were with her when she was quite 'out of it' and she I'm sure felt and derived much comfort from your presense. You really truly did lots for her, even if you feel you could have done more. But you're human, and you could have never healed her.

She is in a great place now, she is truly truly at peace, and would hate to know that you're suffering so much. SHe'd want you to go on, and feel peace too.

You've go tto work on that guitl. Maybe discuss it with a counselor, maybe with hypnosis - when you adress that factor, and you let that guilt go, the sadness will go as well, and little by little with time get repalced with peace.

Good luck!!!! ((((((((((((Jman)))))))))))))


~rachel
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"When life keeps giving you lemons, get to work and make a tall frosted pitcher of icy cold lemonade."
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Vikki
Posts: 482
Joined: Tue Dec 21, 2004 3:20 pm
Location: Stoke on Trent

Post by Vikki »

Sent you an email honey, I hope you are ok xxx
Even with your eyes closed, may you see the light at the end of the tunnel

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Sueleic
Posts: 163
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 10:52 am
Location: Leicestershire England

Post by Sueleic »

Hey Jman
it's very late just coming up to 11pm i haven't been on a comp since errrrrrrrrrrrr let me think last Friday i think it was! Hmmmm guess what it's nothing to do with me getting a little older! it's called Widow brain!!!! always forgetting things!!
Email me, do you still have my mobile number???? text me
i still have lot's of issues but to share is often a good thing, don't think i will ever get over losing Lorenzo so please remember i'm HERE if ever you want a chat and i mean that!!!!!!!!!!!
loads of hugs
Auntie Sue
xxxxxxxx :cry: :roll: :( :) <<<<these are me some days
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