RE: Coping

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Lumbyla
Posts: 4
Joined: Wed May 12, 2004 6:45 pm

RE: Coping

Post by Lumbyla »

I don't post much on this board but i think it's about time i put in a contribution

I don't consider myself as an ill person or someone with a condition. I had my transplant over a year ago off my mum and luckily i've had a pretty smooth ride, ignoring the fact that i got CMV!

I choose to ignore my condition because it helps me deal with it, i know it sounds shallow but i ignore anything to do with kidney related groups or transplant groups because thats not me. I'm a well person.

I live my life as any other person would. I work, study at university, go out with my friends, play football etc. All done because my Mum gave up one of her kidneys to see her son live his life the way he wanted to live it.

Maybe i'm lucky in the fact that i've had my transplant and i don't feel ill, I never really felt ill on Dialysis (APD) i still did a lot of the things i wanted to do only with the hinderence of having to do the actual dyalisis.

The point is that i'm living my life as much to the full now as i ever had done. I've done more in the last 13 months than i have in the past 5 years, im 23 now.

Now here's the crunch part......

I have my demons, these little voices in my head that keep telling me that it's all going to dissapear, that i'm not as good a human being as the next person, that maybe my time was up when my kidneys failed and god should have taken me then, in the same way he would have done 100 years ago. These are what everyone here would call the down days, the days that rain constantly, where every twinge is a major illness, where there's no point.......

Now here's what i want to say........

I want to thank everyone who posts on this board for helping me through everything basically... I said before that i deal with my illness by not acknowledging that it's there but if everyone did that we would all be alone with it. That's why i appreciate you all so much for not making me feel as if i'm on my own, that i'm paying a penance. Everytime i have a down day, a day that i feel scared to live, i come onto this board and by reading just a couple of posts i feel the care and warmth people put into this board to make it work.

I thank you all so much x

:)

Andy
Rik
Posts: 1774
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 10:29 am
Location: West London - UK

Post by Rik »

Hi Andy ...
thanks mate ... I couldnt agree more with the way you deal with it ... I'm a firm believer in the fact that you dont have to be ill just because you have an illness ...

we all have our demons mate ... lots of things wouldnt have happened 100years ago that is possible now ...
I had a real problem coming to terms that I was going to have to rely on a machine to keep my life going for the foreseeable future when I went onto HD ... but half of it was me being a complete needlephobe and the other half not knowing what lay ahead ... folk on here and friends got me through that ...

I'm glad that this board helps you on down days ... I know it has gotten me through some rough patches too ...

thanks for your message ... you should post more often .. I know when I was rough ... reading posts from folk who had been there done that and come out the other side smiling sure helped me ...
wing
Posts: 345
Joined: Tue Aug 03, 2004 10:56 am

Post by wing »

And you know what? I believe that people who have no illness/condition/call it what you will, HAVE DOWN DAYS!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!
I think it's part of the human condition. If you felt the same every day you would be a robot.
You need the lows to help you appreciate the highs.
How you cope is personal to you - if it works for you - do it.
Even the lovliest of people become unwell - it's got nothing to do with punishment from on high (or any other place!).
Enjoy what you have now and don't feel remotely guilty about it - in your shoes-we wouldn't!!
Hal
Posts: 617
Joined: Wed Apr 21, 2004 9:56 am
Location: Liverpool, UK

Post by Hal »

Hi Andy,

I admire your attitude.

None of us are ill because of something we have done, its not a punishment. Think of all the nasty and evil people who are perfectly healthy !!! ????

The down days happen to me also. Sometimes its not even a down day, just a down half an hour, thinking "why am I in this position ?"

I've carried on with uni as you have. Hopefully I might even get a degree this year, aged 23 also ;)

Good luck,

Hal.
bluemoon
Posts: 120
Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2004 5:36 pm
Location: North Yorks

Post by bluemoon »

Fantastic!

Just how I feel. I always felt cheated having to go on dialisis. I felt so well. I`ve had a transplant for two years and work full time, cycle 20 miles to work each day, do cross country running and live life to the full. Except...drinking I can have two pints in the evening dont feel drunk but wake up with the worst hangover imaginable. Hows that for bad luck!?

Like everyone else I do tend to worry. My latest two are skin cancer and steroids; something different next week. Plus of course the perinnial rejection worry.

Anyway, great thread, enjoyed reading it.
Jim
JMan
Posts: 3471
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 10:21 am
Location: Lives in a slightly weird bit of Shropshire called Telford!

Post by JMan »

Only to agree great thread and perhaps we should make one of the 2 'coping' threads into a FAQ or sticky?

here's the 'other' one..

http://kidneypatientguide.org.uk/newBB/ ... .php?t=339
"Dialysis! What is this? The dark ages!"
L. 'Bones' McCoy, ST"
Read my blog:)
Live to Fly
Image
http://www.flickr.com/cybercast
Andy
Posts: 856
Joined: Sat Apr 24, 2004 1:02 pm
Location: Cardiff, Wales- now Christchurch New Zealand

Post by Andy »

i think that would be good Jman!!
We are the way we are, if we werent, I wouldnt be me and you wouldnt be you!

www.lltgl.org.uk
amanda in CA
Posts: 1806
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 5:14 pm
Location: Georgia, USA

reply to Lumbyla

Post by amanda in CA »

You seem to have a great attitude but I do fully agree with your demons. they are the thoughts that have plagued me on and off ever since I became ill. I must admit that I tended to bury them when I had a transplant but being back on dialysis again has made me re-visit them again. I haven't heard many people voice those feelings as eloquently as you. I have thoughts that maybe my time was up when my kidneys failed, the 'if I had been born 100 years ago' one. I also have a conscience problem sometimes in that I think that maybe I shouldn't be here in an over-populated world, creating huge amounts of medical waste, and that if natural selection was allowed to work its way, I shouldn't be here. Of course, my husband has argued this one out for me by saying that a huge number of us are here because we shouldn't be because large-scale vaccination has saved us dying from infectious diseases that were at one time killers. Still, the thoughts play through my head and that arguement doesn't assuage them anymore than when I mention about facing my own mortality much sooner than a lot of people do, and get told that no-one knows when they are going to die and that anyone can get run over by a bus tomorrow. That is never a valid argument to me since my chances of getting run over by a bus tomorrow are as great as theirs, but I never think about that anymore than they do unless when discussed in this context. I think that I must be on a bit of a downer today since I was thinking the 'why did I get this illness when other people go through life without a thought in the world as to how lucky they are to have their health, have their families and enjoy them without a moment's thought? This is one that tends to plague me when I am tired and I am less than the mum I want to be with my son - maybe on that one, I am looking for perfection that doesn't exist since all mums seem to beat themselves up on that one from what I can see. Sorry, I have rambled on, but these thoughts do pop up in my mind over and over again.
JMan
Posts: 3471
Joined: Fri Apr 23, 2004 10:21 am
Location: Lives in a slightly weird bit of Shropshire called Telford!

Post by JMan »

Hi

One of the best descriptions I heard at the weekend of 'being' a person with kidney problems is that you are a 'normal person in an abnormal situation'. This by a very keyed in social scientist from the Netherlands. Possibly one reason was that he was a kidney patient himself since before his teens (eg the last 40 years or so). The point being that ANY human being is likely to react with some anxiety, fear, worry etc when thrown into a situation that threatens their mortality, or immediate safety or has the number of unknows that we have to deal with as kidney patients. The hard part is in accepting and processing them, rather than denying them:D
"Dialysis! What is this? The dark ages!"
L. 'Bones' McCoy, ST"
Read my blog:)
Live to Fly
Image
http://www.flickr.com/cybercast
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