want to have children!

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want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Wed May 04, 2016 9:29 pm

Hello everyone! Reading all your stories I decided to share mine. I really need some advice, help and support. I’ll start from the very beginning. I was diagnosed with chronic glomerulonephritis when I was 15. Now I’m 32, so I live with this disease for almost 17 years. I’ve been treated for long time, which was very stressful and excruciating for me. Droppers, hormones, dozens of pills. Those who have same diagnose know what it is and how it feels. The protein content in urinalysis was up to 6.6 g. Then there was a long remission. Of course I still had to do some medical tests. Then I met my husband. First 2 years of our relationships we didn't think about children and everything was fine. On 3rd year we decided it’s time for us to become parents. We moved from his parents to new big house. We were imagining how kids will play around. We’ve even chosen where will be children's rooms. We’ve been always dreaming to have 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl. So older brothers will be always protecting our little princess…In a couple of months after moving to new house I’ve got pregnant! We were in seventh heaven! But doctors exclaimed in one voice, that I need to do an abortion immediately. They said I'm crazy if I decide to leave a baby and my pregnancy may cause huge problems not only to my health, but to baby's too. But I made a decision that I will carry my baby. So I signed some documents, where I refused to do an abortion. Then I went for treatment in a hospitals, again medications and tests… I cried a lot, I was nervous all the time, I couldn't sleep. All these influenced my health too and my pressure suddenly started to increase. I went to the hospital(one of the best in our city) and doctors first refused to take me, they didn't want to be responsible if something go wrong. But my husband talked to them and I stayed there. At 26th week of pregnancy my pressure raised to 180 and the doctors decided to do an emergency caesarean section. They said there is a chance that baby will survive. But after the surgery my girl had lived for only a couple of minutes. I was in intensive care for a long time. I don't even remember that time, I was becoming insane.I couldn't accept my loss. I felt her in my stomach, I talked to her, I chose name for her…The doctors made blood transfusion to save me, but I didn't want them to. This is my lamentable story, which still gives me lots of pain and sorrow. It's been already 3 years, but I can't forget and never will. My husband supports me all the time and he hints to try again. But I'm sure I won't survive next time, neither physically nor mentally. I want have children and I want to create family I was dreaming about. But I want to stay alive and I want to have health to care about them. After some research and consultation with my doctor I think about surrogacy. Maybe you can advice clinics and tell more about the procedure itself? I'll appreciate any help.
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby yeh » Wed May 04, 2016 11:39 pm

hi same here

i am 34 years old, i am lupus nephritis for about 23 years. since i was 11/12 years old.
but because of long time in sick, my kidney now no more in good function and i turn to be CKD, now in stage 4. gfr 20-25.

i knew my husband 10 years ago while my creatinine still ok, also my urine protein is minimum. but that time we were too young and we still not married yet. then slowly slowly, my creatinine creeping up. now reach 200 now and my menses also on / off.

i am 34 years old now. so i dont think i will easily conceive as i have too much problem now. i never think about it anymore. my husband support me, he understand. he said we 2 person also living good.

i know one day i may need dialysis. i dont even dare to dream about having a kid. just live day by day.
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Sun May 08, 2016 8:42 pm

I'm so sorry about your disease. It's so hard to live like this. You have to look at all those happy families, knowing you'll never be able to carry your own kids... It's hard to put up with the situation. Have you ever thought about using services of surrogate mother? Although we can't carry baby by our own, but still there are women who are ready to do this for us. I can't imagine how to live childless life... I don't know why we deserve all this, but I believe we still have chance to be happy.
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby yeh » Mon May 09, 2016 1:05 pm

Hi

What is your creatinine now?
yeh
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Mon May 09, 2016 9:31 pm

Last time I made medical tests creatinine was 300. It changes all the time, but it's never reach normal point( I tried literally everything and no result... What about you? What is your creatinine now? I'm so exhausted after all these years of hell. I really don't see another way out but surrogacy. I've already contacted some clinics. They promise to find healthy sm fast and control all process... I hope this procedure will return happiness in our family. Because I'm looking at my husband and I see how all this situation influenced him. I don't know how long we will keep fighting together with the disease. I know he loves me and he supports me all the time... But I don't want torture him. Either we go for surrogacy and have a normal family or we divorce... I can't continue live like this(
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby yeh » Tue May 10, 2016 8:46 am

Well
Creatinine 300 with urine protein 6.6g

Well. I think your condition is not good.

You better take care and try to keep the protein lesser.

Well, also even if you conceive and get pregnant. I think it is high risk to have a baby also
yeh
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Tue May 10, 2016 11:24 am

Yes, you're right. Because the thing is not only in having a baby. I want to be a mother, who will be able to care about my child, spend time with my kid, make him/her happy. Being sick, lying in the bed and spending most of the time in hospitals are very cruel toward child. And it's even not the worst case scenario! There is a huge risk for my life and even if I give birth, I may not survive... In one word there are too many cons about conceiving naturally( Anyway, thank you for your support! Take care of yourself too. I wish you all the best and I hope our health bounce back to norm.
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby patricia99 » Tue May 10, 2016 12:57 pm

Same situation here. Girls, I'm so sorry about your health condition. I know exactly how it feels. I remember how desperate I was. Not only I felt miserable because I couldn't have children, my marriage was falling apart and problems were attacking me all the time, but also treatment made me feel so horrible not only physically but mentally too. I was diagnosed with chronic glomerulonephritis 20 years ago, now I’m 39. First time I’ve got pregnant in 2007. My pregnancy resulted in severe preeclampsia, emergency caesarean and death of my child on the second week of resuscitation. The pain from loss was unbearable. Unfortunately I lost not only my daughter, but also my husband. He wasn't ready for serious relationships. It was hard for me to move on. But we should be strong! I made a decision I should live and enjoy life no matter what. Of course I never forget my past and my eyes are filling with tears, when I recall that moments. But we are the only one, who can change our life for the best! I met my second husband 6 years ago. I knew he want to have a big family and many children from our first date. I told him about my problem and I thought he will never call me again. But he did! He supported me and gave me hope. We got married in 2011. My health didn’t allow us to conceive naturally. That’s why we’ve also decided that surrogacy is the best variant for us. Another problem was prices. Costs for surrogacy here reach $150 000! That’s why we went abroad. India wasn't a bad variant, but we’ve heard that their surrogate mothers don’t have needed medical check and sometimes their clinics take unhealthy surrogates into their programs. Speaking about Russia, we crossed it off our list. The reason was their law, which says 'surrogate mother is an actual mother of a child'. We were afraid that some strange woman will leave our baby to herself. So after long search we chose Ukrainian clinic. Their prices are much lower, medicine and services are on high level. We had surrogacy there in 2014. Our daughter Susan was born in January 2015. I don’t know if my story helps you, but I wish you not to be afraid and reach for your dreams.
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Wed May 11, 2016 4:16 pm

patricia99 thank you for responding to my thread! Your story gives me hope everything will change for the best. I'm so sorry for your loss. I admire your will to live and I’m so happy your life is full of joy now. We are the one who can create our future. I dream about big family full of children’ laughter. I'm glad we have opportunity to use surrogacy program. I’m not sure I would accept childless life…Every night before falling asleep I imagine perfect life... I imagine how I wake up in the morning, cook breakfast, go to children' room and wake them up. I imagine how we have family breakfast, how we laugh and share stories from daily life. There in my dreams I look into the eyes of my husband, they full of gratefulness and joy. Only this thoughts and hope make me keep going and live. I'm so tired of wasting time. I live in future and I don't live now at all. Everyone tells me, that I should enjoy life now, that we live only once. But how can I? I have no idea how to accept this situation. I don't want to accept and I never will. I'm sorry for this revelation. It's just all these emotions inside...I've never told about them to anyone. Will it be fine if I ask you which clinic did you choose? It’s better to talk with someone who experienced the process by themselves. And there are so many fake agencies! I have a great fear they will just pull all our money and we couldn't allow surrogacy then…What did you consider in your search? Do you know something about surrogacy in Russia and Greece? I’ve heard that surrogacy is legal in Russia too. I think there is no great difference between Ukrainian and Russian medicine. I will appreciate any help! I don't want to waste more time. I think it's time for actions toward my dream. I hope for your help!
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby patricia99 » Wed May 11, 2016 6:00 pm

You are welcome dear! Please ask whatever you need. I was in your hide, I remember how long I was looking for reliable clinic. You are absolutely right about fake agencies. There are many scammers and those people don’t have any shame. I’m glad my story helped you a little. My favorite mottos are ‘Never give up!’ and ‘It’s never too late!’ These words always help me, when I have difficulties in life. I would love to help you with your search. We chose Ukrainian BioTexCom clinic. Maybe you've heard about it. This clinic is becoming popular among infertile couples. Especially after India was closed for foreigners. I must say maybe it’s for the best, that they are closed now. There is so much info about unhealthy surrogates. It’s better to find clinic which check women for such programs carefully. I advice you not to use agencies to find surrogate mother. There is high risk to face scammers. And also don't look for surrogate by yourself. Friend of my colleague did so and unfortunately that woman took money and disappeared. It’s better to contact clinics directly. Each professional clinic has a website with all direct contacts, services, prices, photos and so on. Also pay attention to reviews on different forums/discussions. You should deliberate all pros and cons. Personally I made my own list of clinics and wrote down all positive and negative aspects. Also I added prices and considered rates of successful treatments. It will be nice if you discuss everything with your husband/mother/good friend. They will help you to clarify which clinic is the best variant for you. I considered Greece and Russia too. I must say prices in Greece don’t differ from US that much. Their costs varies from $70 000 to $100 000. Why pay more if you can find same service and even better for lower price? I don't want to seem meanie, don't take me wrong. But now we spend so much money for child! Spendings raise along with our girl. Speaking about Russia, I didn't even included it into my list. Maybe their medicine is on a good level, but legislation is not very inclined for infertile couples. They have a law which gives all rights for child to surrogate mother. So she can leave your baby to herself if she wants to. We didn't want to risk, so chose Ukraine, which doesn't have this law.
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Re: want to have children!

Postby yeh » Wed May 11, 2016 10:34 pm

I am in Singapore heard that Thailand a lot of ladies are doing as surrogate Mother.
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Thu May 19, 2016 11:01 am

patricia99 wrote:You are welcome dear! Please ask whatever you need. I was in your hide, I remember how long I was looking for reliable clinic. You are absolutely right about fake agencies. There are many scammers and those people don’t have any shame. I’m glad my story helped you a little. My favorite mottos are ‘Never give up!’ and ‘It’s never too late!’ These words always help me, when I have difficulties in life. I would love to help you with your search. We chose Ukrainian BioTexCom clinic. Maybe you've heard about it. This clinic is becoming popular among infertile couples. Especially after India was closed for foreigners. I must say maybe it’s for the best, that they are closed now. There is so much info about unhealthy surrogates. It’s better to find clinic which check women for such programs carefully. I advice you not to use agencies to find surrogate mother. There is high risk to face scammers. And also don't look for surrogate by yourself. Friend of my colleague did so and unfortunately that woman took money and disappeared. It’s better to contact clinics directly. Each professional clinic has a website with all direct contacts, services, prices, photos and so on. Also pay attention to reviews on different forums/discussions. You should deliberate all pros and cons. Personally I made my own list of clinics and wrote down all positive and negative aspects. Also I added prices and considered rates of successful treatments. It will be nice if you discuss everything with your husband/mother/good friend. They will help you to clarify which clinic is the best variant for you. I considered Greece and Russia too. I must say prices in Greece don’t differ from US that much. Their costs varies from $70 000 to $100 000. Why pay more if you can find same service and even better for lower price? I don't want to seem meanie, don't take me wrong. But now we spend so much money for child! Spendings raise along with our girl. Speaking about Russia, I didn't even included it into my list. Maybe their medicine is on a good level, but legislation is not very inclined for infertile couples. They have a law which gives all rights for child to surrogate mother. So she can leave your baby to herself if she wants to. We didn't want to risk, so chose Ukraine, which doesn't have this law.


patricia99, thank you for all these helpful advices!I will definitely consider everything you’ve said. Thanks to you I have some idea how and what to look for. I’ve never heard about this Russian law! Thanks for telling! It’s weird, that surrogate mother can take your child from you. Especially considering the fact this baby does not relate to her genetically! And if you go to court you won’t win the case. Because actions of surrogate mother is legal. You inspired me to hold tight for my life and create my happiness. So then all my family will be happy. I see that Ukraine is a good option. They have normal prices and I guess their services are pretty good. But before I will consider this country I need to clarify one question, which concerns me the most. Is it safe to go there at this moment? There is war in Ukraine. I’ve seen so many horrible videos and reports from the news. I should think about safety of my family. Maybe now is not a better time to go there.
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby patricia99 » Thu May 19, 2016 11:33 am

You're absolutely right! I also don't understand this law. I can't even imagine how to survive when you know that your child is raised by somebody else. Don't want even think about it! Speaking about war, you have nothing to worry about! We were in Kiev in January 2015, on the delivery. Everything was calm and peaceful. But during our first visit we were nervous too! I understand your concerns. We had no idea what picture we’ll see when we arrive in Ukraine. To be honest, our panic was huge! But I assure you it’s one of the most friendly cities in the world. It's absolutely safe there. The war take place in east part of Ukraine. So central part is not dangerous at all. The only thing you should think about is your future baby. We had no discomfort at all. We were met by taxi driver. Then taxi was carrying us across the city. We didn't have to find the clinic by ourselves! I'm sure we would be lost. Especially considering the fact that neither I nor my husband know the language. The taxi brought us to the clinic. It's a very modern building I must say. By the way, there were so many peoples! Couples all over the world, who came for surrogacy and egg donation programs. Also there were girls, who came for medical checks to become donors and surrogate moms, doctors and nurses. We didn't expect to see such crowd! This was one more reason we signed contract with BioTexCom. I think those lines just show that clinic is not only popular in it's field, but also infertile couples trust them and have some confidence in positive result. We also had a translator so there were no misunderstandings at all. That girl translated everything for us and also answered all our questions. We stayed at nice apartment with all needed facilities and even more) We had no problems with food supply or communication. Thanks to smartphones with Ukrainian numbers we could easily talk to our program coordinator. In one word we are absolutely satisfied and have no claims.
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Sat May 21, 2016 3:26 pm

I'm so relieved to hear that. I'm really glad to hear it's safe to go there. Ukraine seems to me the most suitable for us and our financial abilities. I've already shared some info with my husband. He told me that it's dangerous to go to Ukraine now and we should continue our search. Now I can share with him this great news. I hope you'll help us to clarify some more questions! How much did you pay to your translator? And where did you find her? I'm not sure any interpreter will fit such program. I think this person should have some knowledge in reproductive medicine. I will appreciate if you give me her contacts. Maybe she'll agree to translate for us too. And what about housing? Did you stay in the hotel? Or did you rent an apartment? What was the price? Where did you get those smartphones with Ukrainian numbers? I think we'll also need them. There may be different situations. It would be nice we could call someone from the clinic. And also what about taxi? Did you discussed somehow with taxi driver to meet you in the airport? Or he's your friend? I think that there should be some taxi cars near the airport. But I'm not sure they know English. It will be not easy to explain them where we need to go. I should not to forget to download some translating apps on my phone. I hope they will help! May I ask you how much did you pay for the procedure? And how much did it cost to pay for the whole process in Ukraine. I mean surrogacy and all those services like taxi, translator, housing and so on. I hope I'm not bothering you too much! I want to count all sum so we'll know how much money we'll need. I will be very grateful if you tell me direct contacts of translator and that taxi driver, name of the hotel or website where you found apartment. I hope for your help!
Emillly4t
 
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Re: want to have children!

Postby Emillly4t » Sat May 21, 2016 3:39 pm

I forgot to ask one more question! Did you pay all sum for surrogacy at once? I'm not sure we'll have the whole amount to give right away. We are working hard. My husband overstays at work till late night. Sometimes he works even during weekends. I also try to work more and save some money. My salary is not high, but still I do everything possible. I know maybe we rushed with our search. Maybe we need to set aside this idea and save more money. I understand that after birth of our child, spendings will be much higher. But I’m so tired of waiting! I want surrogacy process to begin! Even this search inspires me. It gives me hope that our life will change soon. So this procedure my only chance to feel happiness and joy again!
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